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How to Use Online Dating Apps Wisely

  1. Introduction

    Have you ever used online dating apps? If yes, have you encountered any problems when using them? Nowadays more and more people use online dating apps to make new friends or find their partners. According to the statistics from Statista Research Department (2022), there are over 280 million people in the world using online dating apps, and the most popular ones include Bumble, Hinge, Tinder and so on. What’s more, with the influence of COVID-19, people resort to the Internet, which is more convenient and time-saving. Although it has become more common for them to chat with others online or meet them in person after chatting, there are still some risks while using those online dating services. Albury et al. (2019) reported that there are issues of safety, mental health and wellbeing, as well as sexual health along with the rise of online dating apps. Thus, everyone should know the precautions and tips to use the apps properly and enjoyably. In this paper, we will analyze the three main problems which usually happen while making use of online dating apps by proposing multiple solutions to each different part of the problem. Through our survey research, we hope to inquire some opinions regarding their thoughts about our solutions to avoid those casual problems. There are 105 respondents in total, and 93.3% of them are college students (Figure 1).

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Figure 1: Respondents' age

​2.   One part of the problem and corresponding solutions

    First, one of the most common problems is the problem of deceit. People will create fake identities, use fake photos, and some may even be a love swindler who bilks for money and love. Through their survey investigation, Kaspersky Lab and B2B International (2017) found that 57% of the responders admitted that they once lied on online dating sites, ranging from names, marital status, location to appearance. From their survey, we can tell that many people tend to make a completely fake identity with perfect self-introduction and good-looking pictures they capture from the internet instead of revealing their true information and using their own photos, which can make themselves seem more appealing so that they can get more chances to pair up with other users. As they successfully match with others, they will try their best to show their flawless side to make you into their discourse and start to trust them. Afterwards, you may easily do whatever they say. For example, they may claim that they are into financial trouble and ask for your help. That’s how people fall into a trap without noticing. So, in order to avoid being deceived, the most feasible way we found is to stay alert to any abnormal phenomenon occurring in the dating apps. To further explain, there are three concrete ways for you to apply, including avoiding connection with suspicious profiles or block and report suspicious members, not responding to requests for financial help or other unreasonable questions, and always stay alert and be skeptical about other users' personal information or chats. For instance, they seem to be too good to be true. According to our survey, some of the respondents reported that if you don’t reply to them, they will keep asking the same question next time (Figure 2). In response to this problem, following our solutions above helps get rid of trouble. As long as people stop being in touch with doubtful users, they won’t be in an annoying situation of replying to the unusual requests. Having an objective attitude and not easily trusting others are also effective ways to deal with the problem of deceit. However, 55.2% of our respondents argued that it is difficult to discover the suspicious point, while others thought (40%) that people will completely trust or have a crush on him/her after a few chats (Figure 2). Indeed, sometimes it is not obvious to find out people’s lie, but whenever someone texts inappropriate or nonsense messages, you will have a sense and be aware of their unusual conversation. Researchers have found that most of the liars get higher scores on the measures of Machiavellianism (Kashy & DePaulo, 1996) and psychopathy (Halevy, Shalvi & Verschuere, 2014). Machiavellianism is characterized by manipulation, callousness and indifference to morality, while people who have psychopathy are considered sociopaths whose behaviors are bold and disinhibited because of their impaired empathy and remorse. With these traits, you can more or less detect some signs. Furthermore, when they only provide one picture or have more than one account with the same pictures shown on their profiles, then you must notice that they possibly use others’ photos and should be more careful when swiping them. More importantly, you still need to be careful even after several chats since they may use it as a mean to bring you to the lure. As a result, it is important to stay alert under any circumstances.

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Figure 2: Respondents’ opinions about our solutions to the problem of deceit

​3.   Second part of the problem and corresponding solutions

    Second, online dating apps may result in mental health problems of the users. For example, matchers will disappear without a trace when chatting with others which is called ghosting. This may lead to people’s self-doubt because they may start to doubt themselves that whether they did something wrong or didn’t perform well enough. In addition, with many people using online dating apps, some will compare themselves with others regarding their appearance or background information, which also cause them to feel self-depression. Recent research (Strubel, J., & Petrie, T. A., 2017) suggests that Tinder users, regardless of gender, reported significantly lower levels of satisfaction with face and body and higher levels of internalization, appearance comparisons, and body shame and surveillance than non-users. For self-esteem, male Tinder users scored significantly lower than either male or female non-users. As they constantly encounter ghosting and mental problems, they will gradually become less confident. To solve this problem, it is better to go with the flow and stay positive while using the app. According to Trent Petrie (2016), a professor of psychology at the University of North Texas, there are three specific ways that you can try to do: set a using time limit or do not take it as the focus of your life, avoid over-relying on online dating apps or do not take it personally and make sure you're in the right headspace before swiping. As another research conducted by Albury et al. (2019) found that participants who rated higher in terms of depression and anxiety in the study reported more negative experiences of app use. Thus, we recommend that not to spend too much time on online dating apps. Similar to cellphone addiction, you can do other things to distract your attention from keep using them. To illustrate, spending your time discovering other interests, doing housework or hanging out with your friends. By doing such things, you will have time recovering from the bad emotions and refreshing your brain so that you can get back to the online dating mode with a better status. In our survey, 45.7% of the respondents think that even if you're ready to use online dating apps, you can still be affected by the negative situations while using them. Moreover,41% of them said that it's not about how often you use online dating apps, it's about the person who makes you feel bad emotions (Figure 3). Nevertheless, it is more important to adjust your mentality and keep going on your life. Julie Spira (2019), an online dating expert, indicated that the only thing you can do to deal with these issues is to do nothing. “Move on with your life to find a more mature person whose nickname isn’t ‘Casper’, and hold on to your self-respect,” she advised. On top of that, one of our respondents replied that “you can try to encourage yourself, and find the confidence” (Figure 4). That is, using online dating apps is one of the opportunities for you to make more friends rather than an absolute way. You can always discover your advantages and find out your true value to rebuild the confidence. Therefore, having a positive attitude will prevent you from being suffered from mental health problems.

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Figure 3: Respondents’ opinions about our solutions to the problem of mental health

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Figure 4: Other solutions suggested by our respondents

​4.   Third part of the problem and corresponding solutions

    Finally, sexual harassment is also a common problem which appears in the online dating platform. The research indicates that the trend of sexual violence has been increasing with the use of technology, which is called technology-facilitated sexual violence (TFSV). Also, female college students are at risk for TFSV, with 34% of female college students experiencing cyberstalking, 28% receiving unwanted text and voice messages, and 21% receiving unwanted sexual images. (Henry & Powell, 2018) What’s more, as people spend more time chatting online, they would like to meet up in person, but some of them may find out that the other person has bad intentions, which put themselves into an extremely dangerous situation. These kinds of outcomes are the least we would like to see. The best way to solve this problem is to keep in mind that safety is the first priority. Here are some tips proposed by some research or organization that you should keep in mind and take them into practice if needed. First, Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network organization suggests to video-chat for a couple of times before meeting up in person, so you can identify whether their appearance in the video-chat is identical to their profile picture or not. Second, the research (Scannell, 2019) indicates to meet a person from a dating app in a public place, therefore, it will be easier to call for help if anything happens. Third, Scannell (2019) also implies to tell a friend or your family who you are meeting up with and where you are going. Also, don’t forget to turn on the location function in your phone, so that your family or friend can track your location. Most importantly, according to Scannell’s (2019) strongly advise, if the meeting is going poorly or making you feel uncomfortable, make a quick excuse to leave. Do not linger and allow for an opportunity for the date to continue. Based on our survey, although 73.3% of the respondents consider that a great liar can still disguise themselves well even in front of the video-chat (Figure 5). Nevertheless, on the one hand, if you are chatting with someone who use fake identity, he/she will very likely to refuse to video-chat with you at the first place, since it may put themselves at the risk of getting caught or exposing their true identity. On the other hand, if the user you are chatting with agree to video-chat with you, you can distinguish whether he or she really wants to make friends with you, or he/she has bad intentions by getting into the conversation with him/her. For instance, ask some questions about their personal experience and see if they can response smoothly and coherently. Hence, it is crucial to always stay safe, and by using these skills to test others before meeting up in person, you can avoid getting into the trouble of harassment.

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Figure 5: Respondents’ opinions about our solutions to the problem of sexual harassment

​5.   Conclusion

    To sum up, although online dating app has become a new trend, and it helps people to interact with others more freely during the pandemic, we are likely to suffering from the problem of deceit, mental health, as well as sexual harassment while using the app. Hence, it is necessary that we need to prevent ourselves from becoming a victim by implementing three main strategies, which are staying alert to any abnormal phenomenon occurs in the dating app, goingwith the flow and staying positive while using the app, as well as staying safe. By taking these practical manners, we can avoid underlying risks and use the apps safely and pleasantly.

Sources:

https://www.statista.com/topics/7443/online-dating/

https://www.kaspersky.com/blog/online-dating-report/

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/heres-what-to-do-when-someone-ghosts-on-a-dating-app-because-its-so-annoying-17944663

https://time.com/5356756/dating-apps-mental-health/

References:

Albury, K., Byron, P., McCosker, A., Pym, T., Walshe, J., Race, K., … & Dietzel, C. (2019). Safety, risk and wellbeing on dating apps.

DeKeseredy, W. S., Schwartz, M. D., Harris, B., Woodlock, D., Nolan, J., & Hall-Sanchez, A. (2019). Technology-Facilitated Stalking and Unwanted Sexual Messages/Images in a College Campus Community: The Role of Negative Peer Support. SAGE Open, 9(1)

Halevy, R., Shalvi, S., Verschuere, B. (2014). Being Honest about Dishonesty: Correlating Self-Reports and Actual Lying. Human Communication Research, Volume 40, Issue 1, 1 January 2014, Pages 54-72

Henry, N., & Powell, A. (2018). Technology-Facilitated Sexual Violence: A Literature Review of Empirical Research. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 19(2), 195–208.  

Kashy, D. A., & DePaulo, B. M. (1996). Who lies? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(5), 1037-1051.

Scannell, M. J. (2019) Online dating and the risk of sxual assault to college students. Building healthy Academic Communities Journal, 3(1), 34-43

Strubel, J., & Petrie, T. A. (2017). Love me Tinder: Body image and psychosocial functioning among men and women. Body image, 21, 34-38.

Survey:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfSglzMx33f7YnMBwDA5n634TgF_uCkKAWLXrlsz-S-M3GyfA/viewform

Pictures are retrieved from:

https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/dating-advice-tips-modern-love-relationships-hinge-app-ceo-justin-mcleod/278019

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